Home > Life imitates The Onion, Society > Life imitates The Onion: big bad banks

Life imitates The Onion: big bad banks

Here’s a novel idea for people “outraged” (the new term of choice, usually accompanied by self-asserting rights created from thin air) by overdraft fees, New York Times: It’s called “balancing one’s checkbook.” Now, no one really uses these mysterious things I call checks anymore, and the “ordinary people” (a euphemism, if I’ve ever heard one, for “people who are too dim or lazy — or both — to manage their own finances”) who are “ambushed,” as the NYT calls it, by overdraft fees might not be able to make the connection between checks and their bank account, but that’s what I’m getting at here: balance your bank account everyday; know what you have and what you don’t in there (i.e., you can only have one of two things in your bank account: money or no money … there’s no third option like A Trip to Florida or Free Daily Cups of Coffee or Free Subscriptions to GQ or US Weekly; no, silly goose, all these latter options are paid for by one of the first two options: money or no money). Keep this simple rule in mind, and you won’t be “ambushed” by the big, bad banks.

It’s tough having all the answers, but at the same time, it’s getting easier by the day, it seems, in this increasingly unthinking American culture.

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